Acupuncture

I saw a crowd cut for acupuncture, I have always been curious, excited to some day have a reason to use acupuncture for healing. Since the pregnancy my back has been bad, my legs cramp, my ankles stiff. I lost a lot of blood when I had the baby, my emotions have been all over, I have worried excessively over the well being of both my husband and baby as all this is so new and so fragile and am astounded by how quickly your life as you know it can be taken away.
This was a community acupuncture place with the idea that treatments could be much cheaper if they are not so individual. There is one open room, everyone is clothed, you can see and hear each other. The acupuncturist reads our paperworks, whispers to us and then begins. I asked, "Will it hurt?"
"Less than childbirth," he said. And the fear and intensity of childbirth entered the room. The way labor starts and you can not leave it behind until it is over entered the room. The first needle did not hurt, the second made me aware of a bulb in my hand, the third felt like a shot in the back of my hand, the fifth was like a booster shot in the side of my hand. It felt unbearable, I was trying to breathe like I was in labor, my soul laid bare moments before in the pains and excema and fatigue were all in the room. He put a needle in my ankle. If this is about healing I have to let myself flow, I thought, and tears spilled out. The acupuncturist did not notice at first, when he did he said, "Oh honey." He offered to stop, to take the needles out, I could give the treatment to someone else. He did not stroke my face, reassure me, tell me it was okay, in short he did not take control of the situation. The tears, I later decided, were a form of opening, when he appeared like a limp noodle, "we all have problems, me included!" the wave of emotion dissipated and I felt in control again. I am used to being in control.
I have noticed that events or moments can make me cry, and it feels good, it feels good like those tears have been weighing on my cheeks and only now could flow out. It feels like not a matter of opening up and dealing with things, but that I need the right space, the right person, the sense of the tears landing in someone's hand, in some landscape, escape in the ecstasy of sex. Late in pregnancy and early postpartum I had crying spells where I could not stop, at first they felt really indulgent and good. The first came after hearing the fetus heartbeat, I was so relieved, so freed to know it was still there, still growing.
What did I get out of acupuncture? My right hand is really stiff from not moving for so long. I realized that there is a pool of pain and confusion and sadness and the sense of being overwhelmed inside me and I am looking for ways to let that out and that it can not all be self generated. I am looking for portals in people, art, landscapes, music, experiences.