Tongue in cheek

It is really special to get to stay at home with my baby. Really special. My mother tells me she cannot understand why anyone would have children if they were not going to stay home with them. I silently remind myself she is from a different generation. I do have envy my husband his office stories, the bus ride, seeing what people do as they walk down Hennepin Avenue, watching people pick their noses on the bus or ease dropping on their phone conversations. It is hard to pick up on new styles at home. There is not much reason to get dressed, but I do, I hear that it is healthy. Usually I just wear a tshirt and panties until about noon, but then I pull cloths off the top of the pile. Not that many of my cloths fit me, I figure why put them in the drawers. The dresser is really a time capsule.
As I was saying, it is special to stay home, if you doubt that just search for Christian mom blogs on Google. The first week of babies life I watched the baby, I heard they grow so fast you don’t know what happened, well, I thought since I am in this special position I can actually watch. Baby smiles at me, my heart melts, I smile back. After a few weeks I have not seen growth, but sometimes I pick him up out of the crib and I swear he has gained five pounds in his sleep. It is really exciting when the baby gains weight; I delight in his chubby thighs and arms. It is almost equally exciting when I loose weight. I wish I could grab a handful of flesh off of me and stick it on the baby actually, since that is sort of how it works with this whole milk production thing. It would be easier if we were made of clay, we could skip the latching on, cracked nipples, let down reflex and just transfer bits of me over to him.
I stopped watching to see baby grow, I have been busy. I am learning the language of parenting. These words usually come in pairs, a descriptor and a noun, like miracle blanket, sleep sack, attachment parenting, double diaper, cloth diaper, disposable diaper, swim diaper, jogging stroller, bike trailer, sore nipples, sleep schedules, supervised crying, focal feeding, self soothing, inappropriate sleep habits. And then the singular cute words: nook, binkie, pacie, onsie, footie, romper. I am sure my old friends do not mind that I forget words in the middle of a sentence or even forget what conversation we are on. They nod and smile as the flood gates come down and I start talking about diaper blow outs and rashes behind baby’s knee. With my new mom friends we just exchange the parenting language, “Double diaper, uhh huh.”
“No way, I use disposable diapers.”
“Do you let her cry it out?”
“Never, I do the no-cry-sleep-solution.”
“Let me grab a footie suit and his bink and we wil be ready!”
Sometimes parent language borders on prickly territory, “You still nurse your four year old?”
“You quit nursing after three months?”
I like to ask questions, in part I know I am self focused and I cant remember the conversation half way through, and I need these new mom friends to practice my new language on, so I keep asking about them. Nursing, formula, solids, biking with baby, travelling, strollers, I just smile and ask, I can’t remember the answers anyways so why get upset. This is such a special time, none to waste on judgement.