You are learning about the world largely by exploring with your mouth. You have a language of textures, flavors, temperatures, durability, familiarity. Learning to be a parent I have acquired a whole new set of words that allow me to think and talk and listen. During pregnancy there were medical and anatomical words: dilate, ripen, cervix, eface, induce, episiotomy, quickening. Now there are coupled descriptor and noun pairings: miracle blanket, attachment parenting, double diaper, cloth diaper, disposable diaper, jogging stroller, bike trailer, sore nipples, sleep schedules, supervised crying, focal feeding, self soothing, inappropriate sleep habits. And then the singular cute words: nook, binkie, pacie, onsie, footie, romper.
When I am with nonparents these words rise up in my throat and I have to keep swallowing them back down. With other parents we skip stones with these words, we pull them out like trinkets to share and admire, trade ideas back and forth: "I lay him down and walk out of the room and he falls asleep, its amazing." "I left him there screaming, sat outside the room and timed it. Twenty minutes. The next time it was...pause...twenty minutes, it has not gotten shorter, but he is always so happy to see me after his nap." "We let him cry, but keep going in to reassure him everything is OK." " We play white noise for him, we actually need it now ourselves to fall asleep."
With a new language we have the opportunity to become a new person. I feel like I have melted and spread from a standing person into a landscape, my body laid out on the floor for you to crawl on, my day laid out to keep you company while you place things in your mouth and then drop them, and find them, and place them in your mouth. I am fascinated by the simplicity of your language. I finally understand my own habit of sticking pens in my mouth, wanting to smoke or chew or drink or eat continually. I never realized that it is a part of our development to derive comfort and experience, the first type of self soothing we find, from sucking. Finally, I understand why we kiss, our mouths are wet, damp places to exchange love and initiate intimacy. Why not rub smooth bellies or comb each other's hair? But it is through the mouth that we first learn about the world.
I look forward to feeding you, to providing my body, I take pride in eating a diversity of colors and a balance of fresh foods. I am feeding you my kingdom, drop by drop, my milk fountaneous and bursting. You are my garden to tend.
Love,
Mom
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