Faith

Dear Byrd,
The only thing that lets me keep going without freaking out is the knowledge that I never know what the moment just before a change is going to happen looks like. When I put you down for a nap you fuss and sometimes cry as if the world is ending. A few times I have stripped you down to make sure you really are not hurt somewhere. I sing and leave the room, after the fussing accelerates I come back and pick you up and sing again. And so on. Sometimes it seems you will never calm down. Sometimes I feel this oppressive weight. I feel afraid you will never sleep. That I can not calm you. And then one time I walk out and you fuss and cry, I start to go towards your door to calm you again, and then there is silence. I peak in and you are beautiful and calmly asleep.
Love,
Mom