A glimpse of single parenting

Dear Byrd,
Dad was away for a few days and I felt nervous about being alone, I didnt want to fight you for every nap, I didnt want to go through teething alone, I didnt want there to be a tornado and hide alone with you in the basement. By day three though relaxation took me over. I was not worrying about teaching you good or bad habits with sleep. I was just trying to find my way, like water on the landscape, the lowest energy, just what makes sense to do. I also realized how much I conduct myself in relation to Dad. I am thinking about how we spend our days framed around when he gets home from work. I feel this weight when I have free time, a rush to go sit and work. Dad will play with you and tell me I can go have time to work, but I want to spend time all together, I dont want to be mining for time to work. The whole point right now is to have time with you, to not always work, to not have life dictated by work. It is a strange way to be doing creative stuff. You go down for a nap and I have a window of time, an unknown window, if I go to the bathroom, have a snack, and finish washing dishes my time will be up before I can do anything. I have long chunks of time in the morning, but I am tempted to check my email and facebook. Sometimes I am stressed about needing to do some amount of work.
I want to engage in my creative pursuits in the bits of time while you sleep or while Dad and you hang out without the intensity.
Love,
Mom