Food and eating

Dear Byrd,
When my body was your home I did not care how large I got. But now that you are out and free and I am feeding you from my body but my body does not need so much mass I want to be my old thinner self. I used food as a mechanism for healing after you were born. I had lost a lot of blood and needed to eat greens and red meat. I ate pastries to soothe myself. I would walk you places to get a treat as a way to have something fun to do. It has been six months. Eating pastries for entertainment is not a good solution, I need to soothe myself with writing, running, talking, hanging out with other moms. Maybe I need meditation.
When I crave food sometimes it is more an emotion or memory I want to capture. Sometimes it is really sensual. What I often think is that I need to have as much or have the experience last as long as possible. I want to remember that the act of eating is only one part. The preparation, or anticipation are huge. The feel in your mouth afterwards, the feel in your body and belly. The company shared during the meal. These are all part of the eating too. When I am presented with a beautiful pie I dont want to eat as much as I can. I want to have a small piece and feel the emotional side unravel, savor the whole thing.
Love,
Mom